Wanted: Abject Failures

There's a notice in today's Spokesman-Review that says the Supernanny television program plans to hold auditions on Dec 13 at the NorthTown Mall. Apparently there's a shortage of humiliation on television. I wonder how many Inland Northwest families are willing to submit themselves to a voyeuristic adventure such as this, a somewhat more civilized, but no less degrading, version of Jerry Springer. Are you required to be missing any teeth? How about an inability to explain literature to your children?

It would be fun to show up with some angry Ritalin addicts who are obviously not mine (Why yes, they are adopted--on their mother's side) and take every opportunity to kick me in the groin. I could explain to the producers how I got tired of telling them to stop and since they don't listen to me I found it easier to wear a cup instead. And they get very upset when I get them regular hamburgers instead of cheeseburgers, Diet Mountain Dew instead of Jolt, and low-fat, sugar-free marshmallow creme instead of the real stuff. But they're great kids and I love 'em to death! Help me, Supernanny, pleeeeeease!!!

Somehow I think I'll have something better to do on that day.

With my kids.